He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
