it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
