So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
