I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
