One girl and one boy is just not enough.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
