Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
