Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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