Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
