So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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