Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
