so that wasnt chicken after all
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
