you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
