Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
