You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
