Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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