well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
