My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
