yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize