I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
