oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
