i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
