I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
there was a trapeze. enough said
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The power of my boobs compel you
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
