Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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