my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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