Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
