Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just high enough for therapy.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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