Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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