a queef is a wish your heart makes.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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