I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
