Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
