you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
