my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
