Michael Bay diarrhea
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize