Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
