Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
