hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
