Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
