I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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