my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
