Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.Â
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
