So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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