I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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