Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
