The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
