The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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