did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
