he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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