We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
