It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
