i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
