Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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