this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
