It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
