I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
