I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize