I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize