I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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