I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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