all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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