I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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