I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
