I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
