My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I think my moral compass just broke
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