he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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