Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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