I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
