I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
