All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
