you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
