Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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