Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
