No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
