It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize