Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
