Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
