New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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